I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
