so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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