I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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