Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
