I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
