I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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