You can't motorboat a personality
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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