sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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