Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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