just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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