how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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