A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
