We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize