Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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