She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
whose ass print is on the piano?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
