If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
