I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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