we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
