You're my little dorito
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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