remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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