This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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