My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize