So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
