some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
