I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
