people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
