I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
