What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
