Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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