Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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