I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
