I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
