just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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