It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
