no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
