Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
