Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
