just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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