What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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