you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
