I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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