I could have mohawked her pubes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
