fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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