shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
