Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
