Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
