You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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