the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
