I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
