If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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