im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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