I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
