hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
