I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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