I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
