I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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