Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
