Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His hands were made for my vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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