this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
