i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
