Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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