There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
