He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
