I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
