This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The Olympian is in my bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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