Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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