I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
