My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
