just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
