i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
