I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
