it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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