I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
