Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
