he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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