Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
