Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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