i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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